Terry Levine | Noggin Advertising | Copywriter | Digital + Direct Writer | Blogging | Toronto | Canada

I WANT TO BE A CONSERVATIVE.

I want to be an American conservative.

I want to cut government program budgets, complain about how lousy those programs are then cut them some more. I want to say I believe in compromise but refuse $10 in budget cuts to $1 in tax increases. I want to reject Obamacare as socialized medicine but support Medicare and Medicaid. I want to call myself a conservative but conserve nothing for the future except the seat I was elected to hold or the show I get to blather on.

Doggonit, I want to be a conservative.

I want to condemn teen pregnancy but gut prevention programs, fight against condom use and oppose sex education.

I want to claim I'm pro-woman but stop women from controlling their own bodies and demean them any chance I get.

I want to tell gays they can't get married then have affairs and get divorced. I want to condemn gay people as immoral then go to public bathrooms to get my rocks off with other men – or boys.

Yeah baby, I want to be a conservative.

I want to obsess about the lives of zygotes but adopt policies that leave children hungry. I want to claim I'm pro-life but buy more guns and fry more people in the electric chair.

I want to question people's patriotism then open offshore bank accounts in the Cayman Islands so I don't have to pay my fair share of taxes. I want to hold Swiss citizenship and flirt with (or marry) a secessionist but question where the President is born because he is black and has an Arabic middle name. I want to condemn left-wing albeit egomaniacal democratically elected leaders (with oil) but kiss ass and hold hands with right-wing, theocratic thugs (with oil) and with financial ties to 9/11 terrorists. I want to dodge drafts when I'm young then send troops to fight, die and be maimed in wars when I'm old.

I want to reproach Mexican-born workers for coming to America illegally while conveniently forgetting my ancestors arrived unannounced and stole the same land from natives. I want to oppose illegal immigrants but ironically be descended from illegal immigrants or hire some to keep my lawn(s) tidy.

Quiero ser un conservador.

I want to say I believe in Jesus but help the rich get richer, you know, just like Jesus would have wanted. I want to tell young people to pick themselves up by their bootstraps but take government handouts when I can get away with it.

I want to reject global warming and evolution because there's apparently just not enough evidence but mindlessly espouse the tenets of a book written 2,000 years ago about a guy whose mother was a virgin and who rose from the dead.

Holy moly, do I ever want to be a conservative.

Don’t you?

QUOTE OF THE DAY: ARE TODAY'S MAD MEN NOW WALKING DEAD?

"...the clock is ticking for the ad industry. Most agencies have been trying to innovate around their own business model for years--but have they been asking the right questions to allow them to innovate?

-- Chris Baylis, ECD at Tribal DDB Amsterdam

More here.

CREWMAGAZINE.COM > SO GOD MADE A GAY MAN

Crewmagazine.com was inspired by the recent Dodge Ram 'So God Made a Farmer' Super Bowl spot to create one of its own -- written by yours truly.

And here's the text of the spot:

CREWMAGAZINE.COM > HOMO SUBURBUS

"...as social attitudes change, as we become increasingly accepted and technology makes it easier to connect, many of us wonder whether we ought to keep our deluxe apartment in the sky or opt for the white picket suburbia of our youth."

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QUOTE OF THE DAY: IT'S NOT FOR YOU.

It's easy to be an armchair quarterback. But there's a reason they're in the armchair and you're running down the field with the ball in your hand. It's important to listen to feedback. It's more important to figure out when the feedback is just white noise.

So the next time you write a story, design a coat, cook a meal, craft legislation, or create anything, remember this:

"...the ability to say, 'It's not for you,' is the foundation for creating something brave and important. You can't do your best work if you're always trying to touch the untouchable, or entertain those that refuse to be entertained."   -- Seth Godin