I've had my share lately of discussions (arguments?) -- about racism in the gay community, about rising tensions between Israel and Iran, about the plight of the poor and the undertaxing of the wealthy.
In each of these, the one element I've noticed missing in the opposing person's argument is empathy or a true appreciation for the other point of view.
Take racism in the gay community. Some -- almost always white people -- get offended when I call out their sexual rejection or comments toward Asians or blacks as racist. To them, writing "no fats, femmes or Asians" on an online dating profile or looking disgusted when you point out a good-looking person of color is simply a "preference." They seem incapable of unwilling to, even for an instant, put themselves in someone else's shoes and see how it might feel. I find this particularly shocking in the gay community where you simply have to think about having been called "faggot" or "cocksucker" by a straight person. Not many of these gay whites with racist tendencies would describe straight people who use these words as anything but homophobes or bigots.
Take the disturbing rise in tensions between Israel and Iran. Here, both sides have miserably failed to show any empathy for the other's position. (Please note, I'm not talking about sympathy here. I'm not asking for Iran and Israel to hold hands and sing kumbaya, though that would be nice, particularly in Farsi.) Israel sees Iran's nuclear technology development as an existential threat for good reason -- Iran finances Israel's enemies and Iran's leaders have denied the Holocaust, denied the Jewish people's moral right to a country of their own and talked repeatedly about wiping Israel off the map. Iran, on the other hand, sees itself surrounded by US troops and allies in Afghanistan, Iraq and Saudi Arabia and by a right-wing Israeli government with its finger on 250 or so nuclear bombs aimed at Tehran and other sunny Middle East destinations. But when I've discussed this topic with an Iranian friend, Israel's fears and concerns about Iran's rhetoric are viewed as silly and unwarranted while every move by Israel is seen as an insidious threat against Iran or counterproductive to peace in the Middle East.
Finally, the "class warfare" debate going on in the US, in particular the demagogy from Republican candidates about poor people milking the system and rich people paying too many taxes. No one likes taxes and everyone thinks they pay too much. But for a country like the US that fetishizes Jesus as it does, you'd think more Americans would actually pay attention to his message and empathize with those who are less fortunate.
You'd think but sadly you'd be mistaken. There aren't a lot of quick fixes in this world. But one thing we can all do, on issues big and small, is to show a little respect and empathy for the other person's point of view. We may never completely agree on the rationale, but we can take the time to listen and imagine how we would feel faced with the person's plight. It won't solve all our problems, but it might bring us a little closer to understanding them.
More on the benefits of listening and acting empathically from Stephen Covey here.
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