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Terry Levine

Thanks for your simplistic commentary! (Don't) come again!


Thought this might shed more light on the situation as well...




these guys who are "only into whites" are clearly not into every white guy, so it makes no sense for them to turn it around and baselessly claim that all non-whites will look the same, and they won't be into any of them

orientations are innate, concepts of attraction are wholly societal.


bogus excuses of "preference" aside, anyone who so arrogantly puts "no blacks or asians" in a profile, or "no rice or fried chicken" is showing that, yeah, they are racist. in their tone and their inability to see think, even for a moment, at how those words will impact anyone else that reads them.

and anyone who compares an "ethnic preference" with a sexual orientation only proves how little they know about human sexuality.


you know? i'd rather be single for the rest of my life. you don't have to pity me...
i haven't gone to gay bar or club for 12 yrs because of racist and discrimination i had experienced. that's enough for me. so, all white guys can live a long happy life without facing racist and discrimination, GOOD FOR EM'.


Anyone who is made to suffer persecution through life will no doubt feel the need to lash out against other people.

It's only to be expected.
I'm neither gay, nor a racist, and I can see this.

I was a racist at one angry point in my life, until I refined my beliefs and realized that certain racists on the other side want us to be racist. Then, once I had the power to fight my own personal enemies, I focused my anger on them; And other people who really are a threat, such as the Antifa.

Stop Hate

If a straight person wrote a cruel comment like
"I don't go to that Club because it has more HOMOSEXUALS than an AIDS hospice in SF." you guys would be labeling that person homophobic because it degrades gay people.

JJ Sk8er Boy wrote in his public profile, "Im blocking more ASIANS :) on here than the Great Wall of China." That public profile was obviously a rude racially toned insult, so I don't see how some of you don't see the racism in that.

He could've said he prefers whites instead of degrading all Asians and then going further by clumping all Asians as Chinese with his Great Wall of China reference.

Terry Levine

Stop Hate, that's a perfect example and I'm going to use it. Classic. I don't get it either. Personally, I even think saying "I prefer white guys" is also racist, but at least it's not degrading to others. "Into fit guys"softens the edges of "Not into fatsos." The trouble I see over and again, and it seems to be a pretty prevalent human trait, is an inability to empathize with the other. We seem to all expect others to empathize with our predicaments, but two seconds later we turn around and disrespect someone else. I see it all the time -- particularly now with people criticizing "lazy, dirty" Occupy protesters. How much do you want to bet these critics would be crying misery if they couldn't find a job for a year? Or spend $40,000 on university and there were no companies hiring?


As a straight white man raised by a single gay father I really don't get it. My father always always taught us that it's the person inside you fall for, not their race, religion, or even sex. He said if you have an open mind and one day meet a man or a woman you can fall in love with them. I've dated black, asian, Jewish, etc. in my life and, yes, even men. My preference is women. But their race or religion do not come into the equation. Having said that, I have been guilty of racial jokes. As kids my brother and I used to call each other 'fag' as a derogatory joke between us. Needless to say my father did not approve. He went to great lengths to teach us equality, but sometimes the ease of making a racial joke can get the best of you. It's sad really. I try to be a better, more tolerant person and I guess that's what we all need to do… Everyday, try a little harder.


Thanks Dan. (Hope you're well.) All we can do is try. We're human. I've made derogatory jokes and laughed at them. But all it should take is a split second to realize how hurtful it can feel to be the butt of that joke. The ones who infuriate me are the unapologetic assholes who, when you point out how hurtful they're being, become more defensive or say they don't care. Empathy goes a long way.


You have hit the proverbial nail on the head and driven it deep into the wood and split it - hopefully. You are voicing what a LOT of us have seen, heard, cringe at and are disgusted by so often. AMEN - and this is coming from a white Caucasian male. WE - the whole gay community - need to wake up to our own shortcomings, or we will never get anything accomplished as a minority group.


I agree with this post. Whole-heartedly. Marginalizing certain groups under the queer umbrella only serves to weaken us as a community, and our cause.

However, I ask, what can I do to avoid being labelled 'racist' myself? I have never gotten an erection when looking at an Asian man. Is it a combination of their physical qualities, qualities that are similar amongst many Asian populations? Maybe. I would NEVER post anything so hurtful and disgusting on a profile (I think men should only write what they ARE into), BUT if someone asked me if I've ever dated an Asian man, I would have to say, No. If that same person followed up by asking me if I'm generally attracted to Asian men, I would again have to answer, No. This person, according to you, would then call me out for being racist. But I can't control my penis! And I answered honestly.

So my question, then, is: Do I avoid a 'racist' label by remaining silent on the issue? Lying about who gives me an erection? Because I am not a hateful person and don't want anyone to think I am. I'm not attracted to women, and will say so if someone asks, but I don't post on my profile "Vagina is grossss!" Does that mean I'm safe from being called a misogynist?

I'm legitimately asking what a safe course of action is.


There's a difference between being a racist and being a douche. Actually it's kind of fun to play "racist or douchebag". The guy in the grindr photo is a douche. He's not saying he hates Asians, or that he thinks they are a subspecies or less then human or whatever. He's making a comment that's in incredibly poor taste. That makes him a douche.

I get Terry's point. A lot of those "fats fems and Asians" comments are hurtful. They important thing to remember though, is that they don't rise to the level of racism.

Look, dating's hard. You have to have thick skin. No matter who you are, you're goign to get rejected for being too fat/thin/femmy/tall/skinny/blond/black/Asian/old. It's the nature of desire. It hurts our feelings when we are not desired. The trick it to let it roll off your back and move on.

Terry Levine

DC, I guess in all fairness I shouldn't call you a racist but I'd say your thoughts or actions do exhibit racism. I think the way to go is to ask yourself why you feel that way about dating or being attracted to Asians. Personally I'm not that keen on hairy guys but once in a while I run into a guy I fInd super hot and hairy. So I try not to go around saying in not into hairy guys because it's a bit silly. I'd say the same about Asians. There are a billion or so Asian men in the world. I find it hard to believe you will never meet one or two you're attracted to. And if that is indeed the case, well, if it walks like a duck...


Mike, re your comments, if the douche's comments are not racist but "in poor taste" then what exactly is it about the comments that make them "in poor taste"? If you think about it some more, I think you'd see that what makes the comments in poor taste is that they do sound racist.

I have to say, I've found it fascinating that the "preference/poor taste but not racist" defense always comes from white guys who have trouble seeing bigotry because they've never really experienced it. Blacks, Asians and Jews have no problem seeing it because they've experienced it. If a man joked that he likes a woman who cleans his laundry and cooks his food, would we call him anything other than a sexist?

As 'Stop Hate' wrote earlier today: If a straight person wrote a cruel comment like
"I don't go to that Club because it has more HOMOSEXUALS than an AIDS hospice in SF." you guys would be labeling that person homophobic because it degrades gay people.

Mike would you say that comment is simply "in poor taste" or is it "homophobic"? You don't have to gay-bash to be a homophobe and you don't have to burn crosses on people's lawns to be a racist. The trouble with most bigotry today is that it's insidious. But it still exists.


DC, re: your "am I a misogynist if I'm gay?" comment, I've run into that one a lot and I usually have trouble answering it. But I think I've found a good explanation as to why that assertion is incorrect.

We learn our racist behavior from our environment. Little kids don't differentiate between black and white and Asian in any judgmental sort of way. If you've watched a child point out someone's skin color, it's purely experiential and charming ("Oh look that girl's skin is brown like chocolate.") The value judgment placed on those physical differences is learned over time from those around us.

It's quite the opposite for sexual preference. In spite of all we hear growing up about how gross/sinful homosexuality is and how "normal" it is to be attracted to the opposite sex, in spite of all that, we can't help ourselves. Gay men, for the most part, are hardwired to be sexually attracted to male characteristics, not female ones. If being gay is misogynistic then being straight should disqualify misogynists from being so, but there are plenty of straight men who hate or look down on women -- in spite of that, those men are still sexually turned on by them. And there are plenty of gay men who worship female beauty but they're not sexually turned on by them.

Account Deleted

As a non-black gay man who dates predominantly black men, I recently did a video interview with Black Gay Men's Blog on interracial gay dating.

The interview covered everything about me and why i prefer to date black men, why I am attracted to black men, etc. One of the issues covered extensively is the (so-called) fetishizing of the black man by the non-black man; i.e., the Mandingo Complex.

What became apparent as the comments began flooding in -- 98% from black men -- is that most of the black men resented someone like myself, non-black, dating black. They refused to trust what I said in the video -- that I was instinctively drawn to dark ebony skin and found strong African features alluring, utterly gorgeous -- and seemed certain that I was in some way exploiting the black men whom I dated.

The tragic racial history of this country continues to pollute our world today.

So sad and tragic.


I have a blog called:
Obviously I found your article very good, and I am posting a link to it. It's very sad to see the same tired old arguments on the comments here, namely "It's just a preference, its not racism." I understand sexual preference, and no one is saying you must have sex with an Asian otherwise you are a racist. But to write NO ASIANS on your profile, or to write what this a-hole wrote on his profile above is most definite racist (even if you don't think you're being racist). Asian gay men feel isolated and unwanted in their own country (many of them have been here for several generations) because they are constantly confronted with profiles that say awful things about them, or question their manhood and masculinity, or simply write NO ASIANS. This is not preference, this is disrespect, and if the boot were on the other foot you would understand what it feels like. So to all those "its just a preference" people, I'd like you to stop trying to justify your disrespect and start trying to treat your fellow gays with a lot more inclusiveness and love. You don't have to screw anyone you don't want to screw. But you DO HAVE TO treat people with respect, the same respect you seem to demand every time we have to listen to you defend your indefensible prejudices.

Terry Levine

Thanks for your comments and your site!


Totally agree with the article. Think about it. It is a privilege to be able to turn down romantic or sexual advances. I understand that people have certain preferences and nobody is saying you cannot have them. But think about what exactly your preferences are and how they come about. If someone happens to like blonde hair, an Asian guy can simply dye their hair blonde. Does that mean they're OK now? If you like hairy, muscular guys, I can find Asians who are hairy and muscular too. But no, these people will still keep saying "NO ASIANS" because of their race. It is very simple, the very definition of racist is to make an assumption based on someone's race. When you write off a complete race then by definition you are actually a racist and you should just admit it, at least you'd look better instead of being in a state of denial. But look on the bright side, everyone is racist, so some extent or another, just admit it and move on.


People need to stop using the "but I also exclude women" defense against their racial preferences.

You do not f*ck women because you are gay.

You do not f*ck certain races because you are racist.

Yes, sexual racial preferences = racist. Just admit it and move on. And while you're at it, use language that doesn't make other people feel like shit.

Rene Soulet

I love all female bodies but am gay into only hispanic men nonetheless. I don't think that makes me racist.

Loren Kelly

Thanks for this. The more sinister side to racism is what happens to the minority groups that are affected by race-wide stereotyping and treatment. A study was done in Seattle in 2007 to identify some of the affects of racism. Among gay Asians, the rejection can create a sense of inferiority as well as a projection of that sub-desirability onto the whole Asian spectrum. They won't even consider dating within their own race and consider other Asians to be inferior as well, will compete with one another for the limited number commodity white guys who might date them, play down their Asian aspect and renounce their racial heritage, assume the submissive role that they are expected to fulfil (often resulting in risky behavior), and ultimately suffer greater mental distress from rejection en masse.

I'm a gay Asian, and it's disturbing to think how naturally I played into all this when I started to negotiate my identity as an out gay person. A person in the study lamented that solely because of his race and being non-white, he would have to work four times as hard to have the same opportunities as others in the dating arena; I can relate to that too. More disturbing was that I was finding myself depressed by these factors for several years, and only recently am able to define it as the byproduct of racism. In one entirely superficial scenario, a less attractive white guy will still be given preference over a decent looking guy of color because he belongs to a category that's less desirable.

There's an odd element of the responses here and to other writings on the issue from people who haven't experienced being outside of the homogenous norm and don't understand how subtle the affects of being an outlier can be. Oftentimes, they'll downplay racism as being a held belief or have trouble recognizing it at all. White Privilege is a loaded concept, but it's that very privilege that means they won't ever have to go through with different treatment it as minorities do. For those who aren't familiar with the term, it's not about what you have, but it's more about the crap you don't have to deal with because you're not stereotyped and reacted to because you're not the norm. To those people, I suggest looking at examples and evidence and try to understand it instead of being offended.

I'm glad that the subject is getting attention; it's definitely helped me identify my own prejudices and the sources of some of my learned behavior patterns in dealing with the gay community (which I don't feel a part of). I doubt it will change much in the short run, but I can take it a little less personally now.

Saddest thing is, shouldn't we as gay people collectively know better?


Terry Levine

Loren, thanks for your comments. I agree 100%. Two thoughts came to mind when I read your comment.

First, on Asians dating whites over other Asians. I've lately seen a couple of Asian guys online say in their profiles they were only into Asian guys. The interesting things is my reaction was not "hey that guy is racist" but rather "hey that guy has overcome the internalized racism in the gay community that makes Asians only want to date white men." I suspect a lot of white gays will call it hypocritical to say "Asian into Asians" is not racist while "whites into whites" is. But like affirmative action, I don't believe it's racism. It's a response to racism and being a minority. (It's all about context of course. If gay Asians in Hong Kong announced they were only into Asians, I'd be more inclined to think that's racism.)

Second, I had an interesting debate on Facebook with a gay white friend of mine who insisted that he is not a racist for only being into whites. The debate essentially ended with him saying "what, just because I'm gay I have to feel for other minorities?" That, I discovered was the core difference between us. His worldview was formed as a majority white man in a majority world. Mine was formed as a minority Jew in a majority non-Jewish world. We may look alike on the outside, but being gay hasn't changed his White Privilege outlook. I never felt that same White Privilege because Jews have (at least until very recently) been outside that worldview.


Thanks so much for writing this. Terry,we don't know each other at all but as an African American,gay male---i encounter this a lot. Now that I'm headed off to a top national university for my 2 yr Master's degree, I can only find inclusion if I list my 'accomplishments' as a black male. Then,it is as if I'm the "Exception" because of my education credentials or having 'lighter skin'. I've had many a white guy mention "you are fair skinned" and "you are the skin color"---saying it without a CLUE to the fact that it shows colorist and the ramifications for US Slavery. In the US it is,unfortunately, normal for an oppressed group to start oppressing another marginalized group either within its domain or outside of its domain. Perfect example: The African American religious leaders opposing equality for gays in NC (where I am from). It is funny that they use the bible to support oppression----seeing that the only reason why they are Christian is because the bible was used to convert,enslave, and oppress their ancestors (hence, why I'm a proud Atheist lol).
A racial preference is bigotry. You can make decisions on whom you like based on non-innate characteristics such as weight,attitude, and choice of political party even. But the difference between these non-innate characteristics is just that----they are NOT fucking innate.lol To discriminate (or,as racist bigots put it ..."prefer") based on someone's skin color is pure racism. Why? Well,when you were born--you didn't have a preference for the doctor who slapped you on the rear end to cry or even the nurse who held you. Rather, you were born into a racially stratified society (the US) where you became a victim and an idiot to employing associations with skin color and features. Hence, why you don't think that Asians African Americans and some Jews are attractive...it isn't because of them or a discrepancy in their makeup. It is because you are a most weak minded individual that accepts every perception as an influence for your racial partiality.
This racial partiality is aided by the extreme Nordicism in the US---just look at TV or magazines. What is ADVERTISED as "hot" or "Attractive"?--It is those with the aquiline/thin noses, sucked in/thin cheeks, straighter hair, and non-rounded faces for the most part. This advertising is a culprit for RACISM---especially in a community obsessed with communicating and modeling one's self after media/fashion idols (gay community). What happens is that the weak minded--quite a many of this world,unfortunately--begin to make deposits in their brains according to what the media portrays as hot. So, as a child you saw these portrayals and grew up in a society that told you 'YES, this is attractive and anything else is not ideal"--so,you began to make distinctions. And if you weren't raised in a family that taught you that all features were equal in beauty and that uniqueness is what makes the world so vastly beautiful (that's how my single parent, working/lower class black mother raised me,luckily) then, you think its ok to make those conclusions because you feel supported by the mainstream. There is a lot of change that must happen in our culture--media,music,modeling, etc. The perpetration of false/discriminatory ideologies is why people grow up to say "wait, i'm not racist...it's just a preference." You need to look further into why you associate a skin color,ethnicity, or other INNATE quality with not being "As attractive." Look into why it doesn't "turn you on." I'm sure that you'll find that it is because of something ridiculous that you've fallen victim to thinking by a slew of sources(parents,neighborhood,friends,school,tv,etc).

You can preference for the non-innate---so sure if you don't like them overweight,don't date or have sex with them. But anyone (yes,even if they are predisposed to gain weight easily) can lose weight. Just like anyone with a bad attitude can work through that. But you can't change your skin color or your remarkable unique features. Sadly,this is why many people are getting ethnic rhinoplasty and dying their hair blonde---it's ridiculous, we are trying to build a Nordic world. It's a highly sophisticated less violent/demented version of Hitler.

The reason why the wonders of the world are so beautiful is because they are so unique and different. But they are all just as wondrous and beautiful. That's how I view different ethnicities,features, etc. I'm more interested in a person as HUMAN than a culturally biased and most demeaning aesthetic. Grow up fellow gays and drop the bigotry---if we want equality,we have to start treating each other that way.

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